No? Yes! No! 😃
If you have been consistent with this page, I believe you are familiar with positive vibes on this page. So NO? 🤷♀️, No connotes negativity right? I probably should be writing on Yes! I agree, I totally do.
In the last piece – Identity (2)?, I shared something along the lines of ” fighting for the things that tug for your heart”. In life, we are taught to focus on the positive and learn to strategically say yes. Yes to this, yes to that, as long as they are good, as long as it would make a dent in whatever rock we are trying to crack or in whatever we are hoping to get from life.
But there is power in No! Oh my! so much power; do you know the power in saying no to what seems good but is not for you? Interestingly you may not even know what exactly it is that you want. As always, I have a piece of my life I’d like to share with you.
About two years ago, I was on the search for financial independence, social independence, a lot of “independences” really 😁. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life trust me, I had given up on my dreams also. The only flame that kept burning in my heart was centered around people. How to make things better for people, recruitment processes, Human Resources(HR) e. t. c. It just had to be about people – facts only, I have always been passionate about people. So I started to job-hunt, my Linkedin games were 100% 😉. I had one of the finest HR mentors and a host of other valuable connections. I traveled for classes and certifications in HR, online courses nko? I also applied for Internship opportunities I didn’t mind as long as it was HR😃. I just didn’t want to be stuck writing any codes in any programming language 😂. Although by nature I am an active learner. I would learn a programming language to enable me achieve my objective, and once the objective was achieved, “can we move on to the next?” “ain’t nobody got time to sit down with any PC writing lines of code for a lifetime” 🤣. Do I sometimes wish I was more serious? Maybe, but deep down it wasn’t just the essence of my degree.
Back to the search for independence, I started getting a lot of job recommendations from various sources and of course from my HR mentors. Recommendations for different job descriptions I was overqualified for, underqualified for, needed to be trained for and all the categories you can think of. I would say NO! Albeit this “aunty” still didn’t completely know what she wanted to do with her life 😁. However, she knew what she did not want – if you are currently at the part where you do not know what you want, but you do know what you do not want, trust me it’s beautiful. That’s a major step already, it would all add up.
And so, my favorite mentor says “there is this job application, well it isn’t exactly what you are gunning for, but within two years you can get the exact HR job description you want”. “Okay, let’s do this”. I went through the rigorous process of interviews, multiple trips, and expenses between two different cities. Let’s share the good news. I was offered a job but not the position I applied for. In all fairness, the employer liked my vibes. He gave me some parting words that I still hold dear after my last interview session. He really wanted me in the organization and requested that I come over for negotiations and job descriptions. I requested for more information and upon receipt of the information, my initial response was no. No keh? Yes, No! Believe me, I was desperate, I needed the money, there was a plan, it was my first offer, every other one I wanted never pulled through. At this stage, I was wrapping up with my master’s degree, and definitely, the next box to be checked was to get a job, settle in the job and then happily ever after 💃💃💃(🙄🙄🙄 life and boxes yenyenyenyen, happy box-ticking 😆). I said No! Why? money? , ” maybe but nahhh”. One thing I knew was: “this is not what I want for my life. I do not know what I want, but I do know what I do not want”. So after careful consideration and consultation – yes, even after my initial response, I still ran some consultations, I said a final NO to my prospective employer with no regrets.
For all it’s worth we must consciously learn the art of saying No! Saying no! to the things that do not align with our values, no! to slandering, no! to negative vibes – “pliss dear life is not eternal, don’t mess up the much-needed positivity”, no! to the “good” things that won’t take you anywhere far, no! to temporary pleasures, no! to sense of entitlements, no! to anything that brings a little change to the pocket – even if it messes up your peace of mind, no! to always being on the demand and saying yes to everyone – we then end up losing focus on ourselves (“hello darling, you cannot pour out of an empty cup”).
Sometimes we need to say NO! to some things for the things that truly matter. As my favorite professor, Patrick Barry would say, “every no is a yes to something else” so you still end up saying Yes! see? 😉😄, but yes to the things that matter.
P.S: Am I in HR now? 😄 No! Have I given up on HR? not completely. So what is it? wait for it, it’s sure bigger than I envisaged also but it is blissful and perfect.
P.S Again: Viva La Vida
Hats off for the profound thoughts..saying no is kind of self care and it’s not selfish..👍🏻recently I did a post on the same..hurrays for similar thoughts..but I must say this one is amazing..👍🏻
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Anu. It’s an honor that you consider this writing amazing. 🤗
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re right. We all need to conciously perfect the art of saying no.
I stood firm last year and said No to a number of things and I’m glad I did. There is a kind of freedom in saying no to certain things.
Nice read Tolu
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Airat,
Thank you so much for visiting. I’m glad to hear that you have started perfecting the art of saying no, and yes thank you for sharing your thoughts.
LikeLike
I totally agree with you…
We all do need to say no sometimes.
It pretty more difficult for some than others though…. especially when part of your subconscious always tries to guilt trip you into always saying yes…😄
LikeLiked by 1 person
🤣🤣 Dear Nihin. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and yess I agree with you too that’s why we need to work on our subconscious conditioning
LikeLike
Oh mine!
This word came just at the right time whennim so confused on saying either no or yes to a job that gives me little peace..
I’m glad I dropped by.
God had a reason for making me drop in..
You’re doing a great job dear.
Keep the vibes..
I love you gurll
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Oluwaseun,
I’m glad it came in at the right time.
Yes God definitely has you in mind always.
Thank you for the encouragement and I love you right back
LikeLike
Hmmm…. Long but nice read.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for staying till the end .😊
LikeLike
Lovely read.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Yettie. Thank you for reading and thank you for your sweet compliment
LikeLike
💃💃💃💃❤️
LikeLike
Dear Tolu, I enjoyed every bit of this message and learnt from you.
Saying No sometimes could actually be the only positive result we need
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awwwww. Dear Teawhy thank you ❤
LikeLike
Tolu this is beautiful.
I enjoyed every bit of your message, and learnt too.
Yeah, it’s important we have it at the beach of our mind that …. ” Sometimes, saying No is just the positive result we need in life”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you dear Teawhy❤
LikeLike
Deep insights. Well done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww, thank you Dexter.
LikeLike
Love this read! The approach is ‘easy-going’ and friendly.
I’m reminded that not knowing what you want isn’t that bad; knowing what you don’t want is okay too. Also, saying ‘no’ to something is saying ‘yes’ to something else. This is both a blessing and a curse depending on priorities. Thanks for this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello Ayokristi, I am glad you do.
And I absolutely love your perspective, yes it “is both a blessing and a curse depending on priorities”
Thank you for taking time to share your thoughts. I hope you hop on this journey with me.
LikeLike
As always..you inspire with your articles.
Thank you
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Oyin,
Thank you. And you are always welcome.
LikeLike
The basic thing is do what makes you happy and you will be fulfilled.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello Olayemi,
Right? Start from the basics. Thank you
LikeLike
Soft reminder that it’s okay to say no. And that it’s also okay not to know what you want and know what you do not want either. Thanks for this lover 💓💓💓
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, Lope,
It’s a reminder in this world where everything calls for our attention.
Thank you more for sticking with me on this journey, it’s blissful.
LikeLike
Thanks Tolulope for this. It’s a huge lesson to me.
I have been trying to convince someone to take some jobs and she said no several times.
Reason?
“It’s not what I want.”
At first it seemed strange to me but lately I’ve come to understand how much peace we lose doing what we really don’t want to do.
Some times you don’t know what you want but you know what you don’t want… Nice one!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello T.M,
You are very much welcome fam.
Yes, I absolutely love your perspective: “how much peace we lose doing what we really don’t want to do.”
Lol!, thank you for being on this journey with me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes I have learnt, I mean I learnt No, I learnt to say it to obviously good things but isn’t good for me. More insight dear.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello Rachy,
It is great to hear from you and yes, this lesson learned is priceless:”I learnt to say it to obviously good things but isn’t good for me”
Thank you
LikeLike